Thursday, May 29, 2008
I swear, if Jacob and and Bella DO NOT DIE by the end of the series or at least don't get all depressed and suicidal by the end of BREAKING DAWN, I am sneaking into the bookstores to burn all the copies down.
I'm sure Stepehenie Meyer can arrange something like that to happen. If she can pass off as a great writer while writing a shitty rip-off of Romeo and Juliet/ Interview with the vampire, she can totally make Jacob Black kill himself out of pure desperation and hopefully bring Bella down with him, leaving the -what's -his-freaking-romeo-wannabe-face all confused and whatnot.
That, dear friends, will be pure satisfaction.
From the dead beautiful boy who blocked his own shot:
: I love this song. It makes me feel all saddish and like.
If it makes you less sadI will die by your handI hope you find out what you wantI already know what I amAnd if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile
I already know that I am
I'll grow oldAnd start acting my ageI'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lotBut it's missed when it's goneCall me a safe betI'm betting I'm notI'm glad you can forgiveI'm only hoping as time goesYou can forgetIf it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourselfI'll keep out of your wayAnd if it makes you less sadI'll take your pictures all downEvery picture you paintI will paint myself outIt's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solutionYou just wanted to be missedCall me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget
So you can forget
You can forget
You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfoldPale white like the skin
Stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you canYou are the smell before the rainYou are the blood in my veinsCall me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgiveI'm only hoping as time goesYou can forgetI am utterly at peace yet at war with myself right now.
I'm contemplating never getting married, (don't ask me why I'm thinking about this now)
And thinking about nothing.
My mind is like...zilch.
I feel like as though there's some burning memory or question or answer trying to claw itself out of my mind but my subconscious is consciously (haha) trying to force it back down.
This is a major, major moment.
I feel saddish, don't know why. I don't know what made me pick out those lines in the above song... MAybe it has something to do with how I'm feeling.
OOh how pathetic is that, I don't even have a word to describe how I'm feeling, and 'confused' just doesn't cover it, and sounds pretty wrong.
This is what being alone with myself leads to.
I'm going to go study or some shit to get this off my back. I cannot think right now, or god knows what will happen to me if I let my brain control my emotions and feelings.
... Study chem. Yes, I will. And Amath. Aha.
AWESOME.
Gotta go, see ya.
dreamt at 10:29 PM
Monday, May 19, 2008
AHh.
Today is a HOLIDAY. Yeah baby.
Went over to Raj's house and SABOTAGED HER PIANO.
And watched Interview with the Vampire.
BRAD PITT KIRSTEN DUNST TOM CRUISE.
We spent most of the time just watching...and watching...until our eyeballs dropped out.
Currently in horribly uncomf position.
my head has been covered with sticky brownish henna.
and been wrapped like a tuna sandwich.
boosh.
dreamt at 2:37 AM
Friday, May 16, 2008
Currently listening to: Mariah Carey- Side Effects.
Mariah Carey's E=Mc2 album is actually pretty good. All cheesy pretty fluff, but the sounds were good all the same. Listened to it in Popular, and the catchy beats threatened my feet to embarass me in front of the crowd by dancing.
We had LDS sec 4 farewell on Tues, and it pretty much rocked (for me). Nat's mom was so awesome, she bought us all doughnuts. And we basically stuffed ourselves again and again.
(Side note: Vanilla Coke and doughnuts are NO GOOD.)
And then the real fun came. Tiky switched on MCR- I'm not Okay, and became all Gerard-esque and pretty much ruined 2e2. It was pretty comical, what with her bashing the broom-guitar and her looking at us through her one-lens sunglasses.
If I only could post the video online, it would SELL on Ebay.
And then we had LDS today too.
It was pretty fun. We had a workshop on public speaking with a couple of representatives from other schools.
There was this guy who kinda inspired me. His name was Mirza Danial, and he was from Siglap Secondary. When he introduced himself, I could see that he was slightly struggling with his English. But truth is, he wasn't afraid to admit his nervousness and flaws. This was what he said.
"I wasn't really good in English, because I tend to talk more Malay at home. But when I go to school, due to my Chinese friends, I'm forced to speak in English. So from there, I tried to balance my languages more and that's where my love for English grew."
Awesome. I was thinking, If he could apply it to English, why can't I for Malay?
So thanks loads, Mirza.
Like Deepika said, "You have charisma." You're gonna be something when you grow up man. I take my hat off for you.
And I met a really outspoken girl named Holly Matthews, and apparently she's also in the debate club. So I asked her,
"Debate club?? Oh, so you know my friend Aisyah Isabelle?"
"Aisyah Isabelle?"
"Yeah, you know- your debate president, half-french, half-malay..."
"Oh yeah- I know her. I didn't know her second name was Isabelle. Great, now we can bully her."
Oh....shoot.
To Aisyah: A thousand apologies.
And to Raj: A million apologies for not being able to go for Drama with you today.
Altogether, a very fulfilling week.
And my birthday is next Saturday!!! HINT HINT!!!
dreamt at 3:34 AM
Monday, May 12, 2008
Today is the 12th of May.
We got back SS, Lit, and Amath.
SS was ok, lit was GAH, and A math was like eating worms and beetles covered with 17-month-old milk.
Doesn't taste very good.
Feeling a little disorientated right now.
Hi Raj,
A and E math remedial sucked today.
Hanis.
"Oh geez. Another failure for math.""You didn't fail, Nisa. You tried.""I got the same marks when I didn't study either. What's the diff?""Nisa, it'll be ok. Remember? If it takes a 101 tries to get it right, why stop at a 100?"".... Fine. I'll try. But it won't be ok.""Hanis, it will. It will.""It won't be ok without you here.""Don't.""Stay with me.""I....""Stay."I doze off sleeping while the teachers drone away at the front of the hall."Wake up, Hanis.""I don't want to. I want you here.""I'll be here. Please, wake up.""No.""Please.""I'm here, Hanis. I'm here. In every thread of your imagination. I'm here whenever you pray. I'm here.""Promise?""I'll be here, Hanis."I wake up.
dreamt at 3:38 AM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Hey you.
Watched Ayat-Ayat Cinta at night yesterday. It was beyond amazing.
Gave my mom a huge drawing in white on a black board. It was a drawing of a rose with wings and I wrote:
roses are red, violets are blue, there is no other mother in this world like you.
Cheesy, but worth it.
Ate at a hotel, it was pretty good.
It's just one of those days where my brain refuses to be able to join the sentences together and make them sound at least a little bit interesting.
dreamt at 6:47 PM
Friday, May 9, 2008
We got back our papers today.
I fell short of an A1 for English by one and a half mark, but I managed to achieve a B3 for Higher Malay - Awesome.
But, exam scripts aside, today was a very...eventful day.
There was the slightly tiring practice of choral speaking for Drama, which was so spasticated I don't think an octopus could beat it's moves, and then there was the whole hullabaloo about us losing Drama Elective costumes.
Whoops.
I simply went through the studio once and that was it. I was surprisingly more relaxed than I thought I would be. Our seniors (YAY) managed to find Nat's slipcover, and that was pretty much enough for me. I don't really care for my costume that much. BUT ME LOVES THE SKIRT. IT'S ONE OF A KIND.
And me and Raj missed two double deck 31's.
And when I went home, there were two guys behind me talking about screwing up girls and getting them pregnant and watching porno.And Raj was with me in the bus for about... 10 minutes.
Pfft.
And then my earphones broke.
Talk about having enough for one day!
But I'm still generally happy. Even though Cikgu Zain's story about the drowned 15 year old guy
really kinda scared me.
...It could have so easily been him.
And Nat, thanks for all the patience when teaching me piano and guitar. I'm getting a piano soon! Yeah baby. See ya tomorrow.
I pray for you twice as hard now, coz no one can help me or you except for Him.
Dear God,
the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold him when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away...
dreamt at 8:17 AM
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I am browsing in Popular with Sakinah after school today. Who knew there were so many cards to choose from for Mother's Day?
'Aha,' I think, as I pick an intricately decorative one, 'what does this one say?'
I start to open a card when I hear someone call my name.
And no, it's not Sakinah.
It's a guy.
My heart starts to pump so fast I don't know how it could ever go faster, I almost feel that blush and heat I haven't felt in three years creep up my neck and colour my cheeks, I hear my breathing accelerate to the point of stopping.
And this all happened before I turned around to look at the caller.
'Don't hope, don't hope,' I chide myself before taking a deep breath.
I turn around.
Immediately, everything returns to normal.
It's not him. But close enough.
"Hey Hanis. You're as short as ever."
"Shut up. You're no taller."
"Still taller than you though."
"What school are you in?"
"East View."
"Oh-oh hey, I was at your school a couple of days ago."
"Oh really?"
"Um-hm. I know there are a couple of TPsians in your school."
"Yeah, like Pavithra,-"
"Pardeep, Indra Putra. yeah."
Here's the funny part.
He mumbles something so incoherent and quickly I can't process it.
"BBAbabbalalabba wha?"
he mumbles again, smiling elatedly like as if it's the best news in the world.
"Huh?"
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" he screams, and runs away.
I'm left standing there.
Then I shake my head, and laugh.
"Fadzly, fadzly, you're still as gay as ever."
dreamt at 5:36 AM
Current song I'm listening to: Hannah Montana-I Got Nerve.
WOOO. It's such an awesome song.
Her songs are so CATCHY.
One day, I may run into the classroom screaming her lyrics as loud as I can, where everybody will then turn away and pretend they do not know me.
My birthday is coming soon! 24th May. It's such a nice date.
The first half of that prestigious day will be spent with Aisyah, where we shall wile away our time helping our primary school's drama club and laugh and laugh and laugh.
WISHLIST FOR MY BIRTHDAY:
-Be a better friend
-Be more patient
-Be more careful
-Be the best that I can be
-Pay attention during classes
To Siaw Ee: Can't wait for ice-skating man. I wish to teach you the backwards circle. It's all about momentum. When I master my jump I WILL FORCE YOU to do it too.
To Raj: Can't wait for June hols. And no more bitching, please. (: I'm through with it for all time.
Remember our truces/promises! Choral-speaking baby.
To Sakinah: Ahhaaaa....what to do with you?? Haha. Kay, umm... Places to see, people to know, and manymanymanymany things to do.
To Nat: PIANO! I WILL insist on cmg over to your house. And our days will be filled with libraries and MCR.
My life is turning out awesome.
Alhamdulillah.
To people I may have accidentally hurt: I'm sorry.
dreamt at 3:30 AM
Monday, May 5, 2008
The water that runs over my fingers at 6 pm in the evening is lukewarm and unpleasant when cupped in my hands.
But it still feels refreshing and soothing as I wash my face and hands with it, and I walk out feeling better than I have ever felt in my life.
School today was pretty enjoyable. I had a 'high' episode just after recess, of which Kristen fell victim to my antics.
*sniggers*
There's Drama tomorrow. YAY.
We learn new things along the way, and the road is bumpy, but all is according to God's plan, and I believe in Him.
I never forget to pray for you, night and day, to ask God to keep you safe when you are so far away from me.
Keep him safe, Ya'Allah.
Terima kasih, Ya'Allah.
Alhamdullilah.
Kalaulah engkau hendak mengambil nyawaku Ya'Allah,
Ambillah aku dalam bulan Ramadhan, Ya'Allah,
Pada hari Jumaat, Ya'Allah,
Dalam keadaan yang suci dan bersih Ya'Allah,
Dengan wudhuk, Ya'Allah,
Menghadap kiblat, Ya'Allah
Dengan mengucap Laillahaillallah, Ya'Allah.
Amin.
dreamt at 4:57 AM
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The water that runs over my fingers in the morning at 6 am are cool and pleasant to the touch.
So, on Saturday, which was yesterday, I went out with a couple of good childhood friends from greenview to bowl at the new E!Hub at 11 at night. It could have been better, if not for the fact that we had been waiting for approximately two hours just to secure a bowling alley and the fact that we reached home at one in the morning dead tired.
But on the whole, it was pretty much good, clean, childhood fun.
I recently watched the Milan fashion Week: Feb '08, Gucci on Fashion TV, and I must say that it was quite a whole new experience. The Gucci fashion show has inspired me in new ways, even though it has been one of the most DRAB fashion show I've ever watched. (The best being of course, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show). Here's the lowdown:
All the models on the runway look eerily similar, what with their long dirty blonde wavy being parted down the middle and of course, the signature smokey-eye and pale nude shades being the main make-up for them. Nothing too extravagant. After staring in shock at just how EXACt they all look, I diverted my attention to what these long-leggers were toting.
I almost went back to staring in shock at the models when I saw what they were wearing. All their clothes had the same base of black somewhere, and almost all were either carrying a huge GUCCI bag or wearing some huge fur-lined jacket. ALL of them were also wearing the same black adorned skirts over black leggings.
After a while though, when I finally could pay attention to the clothes, I realized that their outfits weren't exactly THAT bad. The skirts had beautiful gold adornments sewn onto them and it gave SO MUCH personality to the whole outfit.
The second half of the show was much better. The dresses the second set of models wore were Grecian-goddess like, and with The Killers-like music drifting in from the background, it gave the atmosphere a very bohemian-like feeling, so there was a lot of LIKE LIKE LIKE.
What I first came to conclude was that it was hardly inspiring, but after I while, like an ugly puppy, it sorts of grows on you. The indie vibes have somewhat touched and inspired me.
...
I could still do without those awful fur-lined jackets in the first half, though.
Quick note: Have been reading three books:
Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, The Real Deal: School, and
Don't Be Sad. (Nat, this one's for you.), and
Ayat-Ayat Cinta. (Translation: Sentences of love..AWESOME book)
I Can't wait to watch the movie.
I show him a picture of Sakinah.He yelps. "OH MY GOD!"I wait for him to rant on about how pretty she looks and beg me for her number...."WHAT THE HELL IS JACQUELINE VIKTOR DOING IN YOUR PHONE?!?!?"I'm sorry, Sak. (It was funny, gotta admit it.)
dreamt at 10:18 PM